This last week was a disaster. I literally had no idea what I was doing from one moment to the next, and when I did remember what was next, I would literally forget.
There was something about the holiday Monday coupled with ANOTHER road trip that made everything wonky. I had no meal plan, no cleaning plan, no laundry plan, NO PLAN. I completely forgot a play date with a friend and her girls… her grace was refreshing, and we made it there…just very late.
I kept telling Ross that I was trying to figure out my rhythm. (I’m pretty sure he was ready to write a new song for me.) I really needed to find my rhythm, though. We’ve entered into a new season from preschool drop off time at 9:00 am to real school drop off at 8:00 am for the oldest. The middle still has preschool 2 days a week at the preschool time. The youngest is still napping, but no one is sure when at this point because she has to fit into the rhythm. My newest work schedule (which changes often) affects two weekdays instead of one. Ross is taking the oldest to school the mornings after I work, but the oldest desperately wants time with me and struggles that she doesn’t see me until she gets out of school. So I am trying to plan nap time around making space to spend time with her when she gets home. AND MY HEAD IS SPINNING.
On top of all of these logistical, practical rhythms of life, my heart rhythms are struggling too. After a long stint with myopathy, I’ve gained weight and can’t seem to get it to budge. My parents are moving across the ocean in less than a month, and everyone is pre-grieving at some level. My youngest turned two this weekend. (My mama heart has finally caught up with that reality…no more babies over here…) We are spending a lot of time adulting and having adult conversations about future, money, investing (what?!?!?) and all the things. The Lord is moving in our hearts about church and communing with the saints. And we just need a breath. Even as I write this, my body is yearning for a deep breath.
I have found over the years that I need a system. For years I have done laundry on one day, cleaned bathrooms and floors on another day, washed sheets and towels on another, and done the girls laundry on another day ~ the same day every week. This system works for me and gives me a rhythm to my day. If I don’t workout first thing in the morning, it is super difficult for me to do it any other time of day. Since working two weekdays, though, I’ve had to be willing to move that at a little because school drop off has to be first thing after waking up from my 4.5 hours of sleep. I also have a huge desire for everything to be done before I leave the house (i.e. bed made, clothes and makeup on, house fairly picked up, etc.) However, the reality of that means getting up much earlier and takes me getting used to a whole new plan…system…rhythm. Honestly, the plan is what brings me freedom even though it doesn’t sound like it. The system helps me to have space and freedom to hear and move with the Holy Spirit. It creates space because I know where my space is each week, and then I can ask the Lord how to use that space. It’s been discipline for me.
But, just like everything else in this world that is not Jesus Himself, systems and disciplines can become our idol. My rhythms and my systems are great for creating space and helping me function in this broken world. However, I prayed for two sisters today, and over both of them, I felt the Lord speak. All these systems and rules will fall and all that will remain is the Trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. If this is true (and it is true), then we must be able to move in a rhythm that does not stifle, squelch or supersede the Holy Spirit and His ultimate plan for our days, hours and moments.
Systems and rhythms ~ plans ~ are not bad. Like many things in this world, though, (all things outside of Jesus), they must be held loosely and surrendered often to His authority. God is not a god of chaos, and He orchestrates order in all of creation. What we must remember is that His order is His divine, perfect, sovereign, and complete way. We are NOT Him or the Holy Spirit. Our ways must be laid down for the glory of the Lord!
So I am sitting with Him today asking Him what He thinks the new rhythm should look like. I am inviting Him to orchestrate the order and the space. The pressure is off. He’s got this, and it’s gonna be good.