originally published February 25, 2014
Today as we are driving out of the school pick-up line, Emi Claire tells me that she went to time out… All I gathered from her many words was something about a rainbow and pushing. I followed up with the director to find out that she pushed a girl off the “rainbow” during playtime and needed some time to calm down.
But all the way home I ponder the same judgement that I’ve been pondering for about a week now. I wonder what they think of me – the mom of the girl that pushes and is so wild sometimes? I can’t help but think that her teachers think that she is completely undisciplined. Just last week her teacher had to walk Em out to tell me that we needed to work on her keeping her hands out of her mouth and slobbering on all the toys. Fantastic. The mom that works at the children’s hospital doesn’t insist that her child not put her hands in her mouth and NOT spread germs. I was mortified.
Judgement is a funny thing. None of us really want to judge others because deep down we don’t want to be judged ourselves. But my thought is, “If I can think that everyone around me is judging me without even telling me, than those judgemental thoughts must be in me somewhere.” I mean, I’m the one assuming that I’m being judged when really I’m the judge.
Our awesome pastor brought the Truth the other day about it too. It left me in sobs at the end of our church service as I realized that my mouth often speaks out judgement – judgement that the the Lord has already changed my heart on but my mouth still speaks…either out of habit or coping or who knows? I was so discouraged at my mouth the other day and how badly it represents what the Lord has done and is doing in me. Lord, may I learn to tame my tongue.
Last night I sat around with a room full of women (older mamas) and one walking in my shoes currently and we envisioned motherhood as it should be. One of the things that came to my mind as I was sitting there was my job. I walk into an emergency room twice a week and attempt to serve families and their children with comfort and love and teach them how to cope through some of the hardest moments. It’s a place full of judgement. Why are those kids up so late? Why would they have waited to bring them in? What’s that mom’s deal bringing all of her kids to an ER? Those parents are ______. That kid is _______. I sat in this room full of moms who for all intensive purposes share the same values and thoughts about life. But could ALL the good things that we choose to do for our families be transplanted into all of the families that I meet in the ER?
Because the only real, True answer for all moms and dads out there is Jesus. I was telling another mom that I talked to late into the night last night that I could say that a lot of things in parenting, motherhood, marriage are GOOD but the only thing that is True ~ always and unfailing ~ is Jesus.
So McDonald’s, natural childbirth, children sucking fingers at 3 years old or using a pacifier, breastfeeding, potty training, children up until midnight, essential oils, Tylenol, and so on…all the things that so quickly get labeled bad or good, evil or not, these mountains that we stand on and defend and judge on… They really don’t matter. What matters is what did Jesus say to YOU about them?
The Gospel really is the only thing…the only GREAT thing… that we can transplant into all families and people alike. He is the only thing that is the best advice out there.
And I’m all about practical. Bring on all of your thoughts, your trials and errors, your tools. Cause as a mom I need those too and welcome them and find them very useful.
But at the end of every day, if we end up on opposite sides of the mountain, can we please meet at the top of the only Mountain worth climbing, Jesus?
So when I got the real story of Emilynn and her pushing, we took a moment here at home for me to tell her that Jesus loves her and her friends and hands are for loving, not pushing. She took another moment to think about her actions and we moved on.
And Love covered a multitude of sins. And Grace reigned. And this mama wept at my ugly heart. I repented for judging myself, others, my daughter, the teachers at school, and so on. And Love covered a multitude of sins. And Grace reigned.
Jesus. He is it. And all else fades away. Love covers and grace reigns.